So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
A+ Viking dick
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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