You're so nebulous sometimes
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
