you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You dont lie about slip and slides
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
