My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
