it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
