Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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