1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
