You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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