apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
