Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have demons in me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
