3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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