Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
time to smoke my breakfast
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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