Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
