Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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