Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
