I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
