wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I skipped work to stalk him.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
