I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
