you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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