My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
