So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
