who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
