omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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