I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
