you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
