i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You were trust falling into bushes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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