Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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