it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
