Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
