...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
