If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
