I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
