if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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