Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
