I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
