You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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