She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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