he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
