so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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