just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
