I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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