dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
