i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
