I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
