Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
