my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
