I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You did what with his pubic hair?
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