I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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