he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
