Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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