yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
