eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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