hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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