are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
This is classic penis vs brain.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
