Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
