not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
