So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
