So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
