at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
